I’m not usually cranky. I’m usually quite upbeat, really. But yesterday, I was cranky. Full of negativity. We’ve been SO busy the last two months. It started with a heavy back-to-school workload (we home school) and a September full of social gatherings. I thought October would slow down but it hasn’t. Winter prepping on a homestead is hard work. We have a huge yard that needs to be readied for winter by cutting down all of the Hasta plants and wildflower gardens, new gutters that needed to be put up, some concrete work that needed to be done, etc., etc., etc.
The outside world is all too busy fighting over an election that may or may not determine the fate of America.
And, a dear, dear friend of mine has been going through marriage hell for over a year now. My heart hurts for her, but there’s little I can do to help besides listen, love and be there for her. Most days I’m able to give her problems to God and let it go, knowing I’m doing all I can for her. But once in awhile I get angry about the whole situation. And yesterday was one of those days. Combine that with our crazy busy schedules for the last eight weeks and it’s added up to one cranky momma.
I knew I needed a heart check last night when oldest daughter came downstairs at 10:15 for a late night snack. Me and two of the kids were sleeping in the living room; they wanted a mom slumber party. Third daughter had her own slumber party in first daughter’s bedroom upstairs. Rick got the bed to himself; I’m sure he was quite happy about being to snore in peace without cranky momma elbowing him to roll over onto his side and cease the noise. The kids and I went to bed at 9:45 (Rick beat us to bed by over an hour), plum worn out by a weekend of chopping down annuals and hauling them back to the compost pile.
I’d been in a nice deep sleep when Maddie came down. Her rifling through the fridge didn’t wake me as much as the loud “smack” I heard.
Half asleep, I woke up and gave her a tail-chewing about making at least a half-hearted attempt to be quiet so I could get some sleep.
Turns out the “smack” wasn’t her after all; a bat on a nighttime hunt had smacked into the window, she told me. Her hurt feelings were obvious as she defensively but sweetly apologized and went back upstairs for late-night drawing and Twitter-browsing.
Now wide awake, courtesy of guilt over my unwarranted snapping, I turned on the cell phone, gave her a long and sweet text about how very sorry I was for my behavior, and went back to bed.
I woke up this morning, still PO’d at the world.
No creativity for me this morning for writing an inspiring and helpful post; all of my creativity is bound up by the webs of crankiness.
Sitting here, writing, I realized that I have a choice.
It’s okay to be angry sometimes as you work through stuff.
But staying angry, that’s a choice. As I work through things this morning, talking with God about all the things that are wrong with the world, I decide that I’m not doing anybody much good with my negative attitude.
So after some venting to the Lord, who’s the best Listener I know, I choose happy. Or at least not cranky. 🙂
There is so much to be thankful for and positive about, even in a negative world. Gratitude will be my focus, as we have much to be grateful for. Not everyone has a home to live in, three meals a day and loved ones to share them with. So that will be my focus and cranky will just have to go by the wayside. For now. 🙂
*Update: It’s been exactly 23 minutes since I published this post and chose gratitude over negativity. Ironically, my crankiness has faded away, my creative juices are once again flowing and I’m off writing an assignment I was sure I wouldn’t be able to start until tomorrow due to a total lack of creativity. Gratitude works!!
Do you ever get caught up in “cranky”?