Once again Ruth’s post from last week has been a catalyst for my subsequent post as I couldn’t quite put all of my thoughts down in the comments area without being extremely long-winded. 🙂 But Ruth’s post gave me a clear picture of how my self worth and my husband’s self worth affected our net worth.
Last week Ruth talked about the taboos society has created about receiving charity:
“If you’re too ashamed to accept charity, what does that say about how you give? Doesn’t it suggest a contempt for the ones receiving your gift? Since they are in a position that would be shameful to you?”
I had to laugh at this line because of how we felt in our own hearts about receiving charity for many years.
We too, shunned charity. But not because we thought we were above taking it. Instead, we thought we weren’t good enough to receive charitable or unearned gifts from others. We thought that because we knew we’d made our own money mess.
Our Subconscious Destruction of Our Net Worth
Ironically (or not so ironically 🙂 ) this realization came to the forefront for me just a couple of days before I read Ruth’s post. I was talking and praying with the Lord, thanking Him for all of the goodness He’s given our family, yet feeling unworthy of that goodness. As I talked with the Lord the following verse popped into my head:
“And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. Do not fear, little flock for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” -Luke 12:29-32
God wants to bless people; it’s His nature. However, in my case I found myself rejecting blessings of any kind for many years because I didn’t feel worthy to receive them.
And that included charitable gifts.
The view of myself that I held secretly on the inside was that I just wasn’t good enough. And that view, I’ve learned, had a profound affect on my subconscious and how our family managed money.
As we’ve worked (largely through study of the Bible) to discover just how very much God loves us, our self worth has grown, and as such, our net worth as grown as we’ve come to understand and accept that we deserve financial security. That understanding has completely changed our subconscious views of ourselves and as such, has completely changed the way we’ve managed our money.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.” -Romans 5:8-9
The point I’m trying to make is that if the Creator of the Universe loves us with such an unconditional love, shouldn’t we then love ourselves?
It was this revelation that has helped change our net worth as we changed our self-worth.
For years I had been listening to the lies in my head that told me that I was one big screw up. Those lies subconsciously dictated how we managed our money – I’m certain of it. Rick, having believed the same lies about himself, felt as I did, that while we wanted financial security we didn’t deserve financial security. So we subconsciously made choices with our money that sabotaged any chance of financial security.
I thought we’d mostly overcome those lies but I learned this week that there were still some deep-rooted residuals floating around when I thought about my attitude toward receiving charity.
It’s amazing to me how much our view of ourselves affects our choices in life whether we realize it or not.
And whereas in my case I can make many arguments as to why I might not deserve wealth because of my mistakes, I certainly can’t and won’t argue with the Creator of the universe who says I am – and all people are – worthy. And honestly, it’s much more fun living life from His viewpoint about me than it is from my own.
As we’ve worked to accept God’s view of our worth, our net worth has increased, our debt levels have decreased and we become more successful with money because of who we are in the eyes of Christ.
If you’re trying to get your money stuff together but just can’t seem to make it work no matter how hard you try, take a peek into your subconscious. See if maybe hidden feelings of unworthiness are affecting how you manage your money on a subconscious level. Often times we make super small money mistakes that add up to big financial problems over a long period of time because we don’t honestly see ourselves as deserving wealth.
If that’s the case with you, make a choice to love yourself for who you are. God does. 🙂